


i think you are also my dying breath

by Slothbee



Category: Original Work
Genre: i needed a place to put my poetry, mostly just my feelings, tw body image, tw eating disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28183857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slothbee/pseuds/Slothbee
Summary: poetry collection
Kudos: 1





	1. when i wake

when i wake  
i will be beautiful  
there will be paintings  
and photos  
and poetry

about someone who didn't realize

until their dying breath 

that they are worth remembering


	2. afraid

fluttering but not fleeting

one fast heartbeat to match my own

my eyes are squeezed shut 

what am i afraid of seeing

maybe the loss of a memory

that i can't remember in the first place

the feelings that i cant let go of

holding on to the cliffside 

as if there is not ground right below my feet


	3. heat

the sun hasn't even woken

no sounds to slip into the hounding city

not yet

its warm for such a morning in december 

but my heat doesnt work and

theres you

i dont mean to press so close

soulmates ive spoken

but i dont quite believe it

something fated 

someone i was meant to hold

warmth i was destined to feel

warm with the broken heat

with the skin against my own

with the blanket pulled to one side 

with an extra pair of shoes lined on my floor


	4. mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw/ gore, picking, blood mention, self image

i always think of myself as plucked

bare

exposed

standing in the center of four walls

mirrored

they're looking in 

but all i can see is myself

every reflection is distorted 

i dont think ill every truly 

see myself 

picked

plucked

scratched

scabbed 

all i can see are fingers

nails

blood

bleeding 

things that aren't meant to be


	5. hey stranger

hey stranger

but i know you

you've known me for my whole life

cradled me in your arms

touched my small hands

hey stranger 

the phone crackles

the words are hung in the air

too many how are you's 

not enough of anything else

hey stranger,

i love you

but those words are foreign 

spoken from an unknown source 

a different language 

they dont mean what i want them too

they twist around the bend and fall

coming on deaf ears and eyes squeezed shut

fast breathing and heavy screams

hey stranger 

i wish you meant what you said

hey stranger 

i wish you knew how i felt

hey stranger 

i wish talking to you didn't feel like my last breath on earth

the dial tone rings again

i want to hang up before you've even answered 

hey stranger

too much silence to ignore

are you proud of me?


	6. juice

ripe for the taking

only the fingers pulling and picking are yours

sharp fingernails and 

fruit

sticky and clinging onto the tips of fingers


	7. a little beautiful

maybe i feel  
a little beautiful with you  
hanging off the tree branch  
with bright colors  
and warm hands

maybe   
i feel  
picked

tumbled in a basket  
bruised and suckled  
cradled close to your chest  
with a soft heart beat

maybe i   
dont mind  
that i was pulled from my sturdy branch  
the fingers digging into my skin  
are meant to be there

the teeth in my flesh  
are sweet and rewarding 

maybe i  
am okay with being picked  
even in the off season


	8. b e a u t i f u l

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw/ body image, eating disorder,  
> death?

i think about myself a lot  
the one recurring thought of  
if i was pretty   
the road this has steered me toward is long  
winding   
never ending  
i dont think ill ever change my mind  
till you can count each rib  
see each bone  
make food feel like a holy experience   
instead of this   
empty horrific nightmare 

when my body crumbles  
is when ill be pretty  
when the hospital keeps me on an iv  
thats when i will be satisfied   
when the clock is running out  
and my heart is faint  
nothing but skin and bone

and ill be beautiful


	9. if i was pretty

if was was pretty  
id scream from the hill tops  
let the whole world know of my feat  
id let the river wash over me  
let my feet stand soundly in the grass  
my face would be on billboards  
advertising some makeup brand

if i was pretty  
i wouldnt wear the dull grey colors  
or the old white t shirts  
id stand proud in those neon prints  
firm with my hands taunt on my hips  
id smile in the mirror  
in the widow reflections  
let my puzzle be collected one piece at a time

if i was pretty   
maybe id be there  
my feet are cold on this ground  
my hands red with burn scars  
a bleeding face  
picked apart   
torn to shreds  
shaking breathes  
i sit with myself in utter discontent


	10. i know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fated

its always i think 

because im never sure of my feelings

never had to have them so intensely

never had to stare them down

but i know i like you

like sticky oranges in the summer 

on a cool june night

we talk for hours

anything 

everything 

the lightning bugs are out

and i like you

in the blinking streetlights

in the buzzing sounds of the nearby pond

i like you

like the glow stick wrapped around my hands 

like a cool june night

its not think

its know


	11. religion as it should be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> biting the fig

when we fall

and i say when

because the universe is pulling me towards you

when we fall

i will hear church bells

the sun will scatter across your face

sweet angel

your halo shines

your wings glow under its rays

i will have found my salvation 

worship in the way it has always meant to be done

prayer in gasping breathes and silent pleas 

folded hands and wine flavored skin

purple bruising and soft touch

biting the fig 

and rejoicing in one final hymn


	12. forest fire

nothing but bone and teeth

while my soul rots on earth

my teeth stay buried in the dirt 

my skeleton stays packed under layers of clay

sinking deeper

my brain still is on your mind

crowding my thoughts

pushing through the leaves

my hand reaches out

grasping at nothing 

the forrest my body is in has been burning

too cold to take the rest of me

nothing but charred teeth

nothing but hollow rattling bones

nothing but hot flames

licking 

i cant even feel them 

they haven't stopped burning since i was small

when the fire began

the flames lick and consume ever since

teeth and bone

and burning flesh


End file.
